


wish you were gay

by chokedme



Category: IT (2017), IT - Stephen King
Genre: M/M, Surprise! - Freeform, also this is my secret santa gift, anyway this is based on a song by billie, but not rlly, if you dont know by now, just two boys being fools, kinda sad, open ur eyes silly boys!, she's my fav artist
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-18
Updated: 2018-12-18
Packaged: 2019-09-02 16:08:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,231
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16790266
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chokedme/pseuds/chokedme
Summary: based on this song https://youtu.be/tyve1d5kNdo by miss billie eilisha secret santa gift for user @lunarezim on tumblr. merry xmas baby!





	wish you were gay

Eddie’s voice didn't sound good today. Maybe it was all the crying he had been doing. Still, he mounted his guitar on his lap and began strumming. He was going to finish writing this song if it killed him.

_Baby, I don't feel so good_

_Six words you never understood_

_I'll never let you go;_

_Five words you never say_

_I laugh along like nothing's wrong_

_Four days have never felt so long_

_If three's a crowd and two is us_

_One slipped away_

_I just wanna make you feel okay_

_But all you do is look the other way_

_I can't tell you how much I wish I didn't wanna to stay_

_I just kinda wish you were gay_

The tears were coming back, pouring down his cheeks as he finished the chorus. He had been writing this song for nearly two years, and it was finally sounding the way he wanted it to. Of course, he had some help. Not that the person knew they were helping. Richie was above all that he was, oblivious. Eddie wiped the tears away and settled his guitar on the floor. He had to calm down, Richie was coming home from work soon.

While he waited for Richie’s eventual knock on his door, he looked over his lyrics. They were painful to read. They were painful to write. They were painful to sing. It was perfect. Eddie thought it was funny how much control Richie had over him. Eddie wasn’t a poetic person, he barely passed English with a C in high school. But Richie had this funny way of helping him understand his heart and what he wanted. He thought as long as Richie was looking at him, he could write a million songs about his eyes. The sudden knock on the door had him jumping up, and he quickly ran over to open it.

“Hey, Richie.”

\--

Richie was hurting too but in a different way. He knew Eddie was gay, no doubt about that. He would've come out to Eddie years ago, that is, if he thought he was enough for his best friend. He did not. Richie knew Eddie deserved so much better than him, better than his messy, uncoordinated life. Eddie deserved organization and wealth, someone to shower him in pretty things and be his anchor in a life of pain. Richie couldn’t afford anything more than the clothes on his back, the apartment he shared with Eddie was mostly paid by Eddie anyway, he could barely afford to pull his weight. So the minute Richie realized he had gained feelings for his best friend of over a decade, he decided to suppress them. Eddie deserved better.

At first, it was difficult to keep Eddie from finding out he was bisexual. He knew if Eddie found out at this point, over 6 years of being out, he would demand to know why Richie didn’t tell him. And a conversation like that would lead to him blurting out his feelings for Eddie. That wasn’t an option. So Richie kept his one night stands out of his apartment, instead opting to tell Eddie he was staying over at Beverly’s while he was actually fucking some other guy, trying to bite his tongue and not scream Eddie’s name when he came. If he even came. Pretty soon, Richie just stopped. He stopped seeing other guys, he stopped sneaking around behind Eddie’s back. He accepted the life of being absolutely whipped over Eddie and never finding out if Eddie felt the same way. It was the most difficult thing Richie had ever done. But he still had his best friend, and that made it only slightly less hard.

\--

“What movie did you finally pick for today?” Eddie chirped, flopping on the couch next to Richie. Richie was spread out with his hands behind his head and a bowl of popcorn sitting precariously in his lap. “You down for a Freaks And Geeks marathon?” Eddie rolled his eyes and leaned over to grab a handful of popcorn. Although Richie didn’t notice, Eddie was going out of his way to make sure their hands didn’t touch. If only Richie wasn’t so oblivious. “I thought we were gonna watch a movie tonight, Rich,” Eddie whined. Richie shook his head and grabbed the remote off the coffee table. “Nah, I feel like looking at James Franco right now, don’t you?” Eddie stared blankly at him. “Um, yeah, I guess. I didn’t know you liked him so much, Richie.” Richie got this look on his face, it looked a bit like fear if you asked Eddie. But then it disappeared, and he was smiling his goofy smile again. “I think he’s a fantastic actor.” Richie nodded, shoving a bunch of kernels in his mouth.

_Shit. Too close._

\--

Eddie went to sleep that night a little more hopeful than usual. He knew he was just holding on to slim hope, but Richie’s comment today made him think a little harder about things he’s said like that in the past. Eddie fell asleep with the sound of Richie’s voice bouncing around in his head and a smile on his face. He would write more of his song tomorrow.

\--

Eddie’s hope vanished the next day just as quickly as it came. They were at a big party, all the Losers were there, getting drunk off cheap beer and smoking questionable weed. Eddie didn’t even know why he was there. Beverly begged him to come, she said it would be fun. She said he needed to get out. He had never wanted to leave somewhere more, though. He was standing in the least putrid corner of the living room, watching all the other sweaty college kids rub and dance together on the couches and tables. Eddie had some kind of fruit punch in his hand. At least he thought he did. He wasn’t really paying attention to anything else though, eyes glued to Richie. Richie was in the other corner of the room with a girl. He had a joint between his fingers and smoke pouring from his lips every few seconds. The girl was a class A bimbo, that much was obvious to Eddie. But Richie was all over her, running his hands down her hips and kissing her neck and collarbone. Eddie felt the lump in his throat get bigger. He was about to throw out his drink and slink away to the safety of his apartment when a large shadow blocked his vision.

“What do you want, Henry?” Of course, Henry Bowers was at this fucking party. As if this night couldn’t get any worse. His ex-bully was clearly drunk, he reeked of vodka and sweat. Henry didn’t answer, just stood in front of him with a smirk. Eddie rolled his eyes and started to walk away, but Henry grabbed his wrist and pulled him back. “Fuck off!” Eddie shrieked, throwing his drink in Henry’s direction and storming off. As hard as he tried to, he couldn’t hold back his tears and cried the whole way back to his and Richie’s apartment.

\--

_Is there a reason we're not through?_

_Is there a twelve-step just for you?_

_Our conversations are in blue_

_Eleven haze_

_Ten fingers pulling out my hair_

_Nine times you never made it fair_

_I ate alone at seven; six minutes away_

_How am I supposed to make you feel okay_

_When all you do is walk the other way?_

_I can't tell you how much I wish I didn't wanna stay_

_I just kinda wish you were gay_

Eddie hoped Richie wouldn’t be coming home tonight. Or ever for that fact. He didn’t think he could handle it if he did. He strummed his guitar sadly, hoping everything would just go away.

\--

Richie had sobered up while Bev drove him home. He was thankful for that. He knew he had to be at least a little sober to deal with Eddie, who had stormed home. The minute he saw Henry Bowers approach Eddie, he pushed the random airhead away from him and curled his fists, ready to start punching if Henry so much as touched Eddie. He did, and Richie was running at them, planning to intervene when Eddie threw his drink in Henry’s face and ran off. Richie admired him a lot for that, but he quickly snapped out of it and asked Beverly to drive him home. He needed to be there for Eddie.

\--

When he got home, he heard the familiar sound of Eddie strumming his guitar and he sighed in relief. He was okay. He bolted up the stairs and approached the door, ready to knock when he heard Eddie sing.

_To spare my pride_

_To give your lack of interest and explanation_

_I'm not your type_

_Maybe I'm not your preferred gender orientation_

_I'm so selfish_

_But you make me feel helpless_

_And I can't stand another day_

_I can't stand another day_

_I just wanna make you feel okay_

_But all you do is look the other way_

_I can't tell you how much I wish I didn't wanna stay_

_I just kinda wish you were gay_

_I just kinda wish you were gay_

Eddie sounded so solemn, it made Richie almost start tearing up himself. The song was heartbreaking, almost like Eddie had been chasing someone who didn’t reciprocate his feelings. But who? He heard a muffled sniffle, and the music stopped. Richie stayed outside the door, hand outstretched. Could it be about him? Only one way to find out.

\--

“Richie?’ Eddie looked up as his door opened and on the other side was his disheveled looking best friend. “Is that about me?” Richie croaked, face flushed and hands shaking. Eddie just gaped at him and glanced down to his abandoned guitar. He heard him. There was really no lie Eddie could make up that would justify it. So he did the only thing he could possibly do in that moment. Eddie cried. “Yes. Yes, Richie, it’s about you. I’ve liked you for so long and I know you don’t feel the same and I know .. I know it’s weird for your best friend to like you so I understand if you don’t wanna be best friends anymore and if you want to move out I get it, Richie.” It was like he had short circuited. Richie was actually speechless. How does he put years and years of feelings into words?

So he didn’t. He ran up to Eddie’s bed and grabbed Eddie’s face in his palms, slotting their lips together and putting every word he could ever come up with explain his feelings in a kiss. “I love you, Eds. I always have.” He said against his lips, then swooped down to kiss him again.

\--

“Can I hear the song?” It had been two weeks since Eddie’s confession, and things couldn’t be any better. Richie had taken Eddie out on a date practically the next day, and the Losers were ecstatic that they had finally gotten their heads out of their asses. Eddie had played all of his songs for Richie, except for _that_ one. “You want to … hear it?” Eddie questioned, settling back against the pillows with his guitar in his lap. “Yeah. I mean, it sounded really good from what I heard.” Eddie giggled and kissed Richie’s cheek softly. “You’re too sweet. How can I say no to that?” Eddie tuned his guitar and started to strum, clearing his throat quickly before he sang.

_Baby, I don't feel so good_

_Six words you never understood_

_I'll never let you go;_

_Five words you never say_

_I laugh along like nothing's wrong_

_Four days has never felt so long_

_If three's a crowd and two is us_

_One slipped away_

  


_I just wanna make you feel okay_

_But all you do is look the other way_

_I can't tell you how much I wish I didn't wanna stay_

_I just kinda wish you were gay_

  


_Is there a reason we're not through?_

_Is there a twelveth step just for you?_

_Our conversations are in blue_

_Eleven heys_

_Ten fingers pulling out my hair_

_Nine times you never made it fair_

_I ate alone at seven; six minutes away_

  


_How am I supposed to make you feel okay?_

_When all you do is walk the other way?_

_I can't tell you how much I wish I didn't wanna stay_

_I just kinda wish you were gay_

  


_To spare my pride_

_To give your lack of interest an explanation_

_I'm not your type_

_Maybe I'm not your preferred gender orientation_

_I'm so selfish_

_But you make me feel helpless_

_And I can't stand another day_

_I can't stand another day_

  


_I just wanna make you feel okay_

_But all you do is look the other way_

_I can't tell you how much I wish I didn't wanna stay_

[ _I_ ](https://genius.com/Billie-eilish-wish-you-were-gay-lyrics#note-15655621) _just kinda wish you were gay_

_I just kinda wish you were gay_

  


Richie smiled as he watched him. The song, when Richie first heard it was somber and longing, but now Eddie sang it full of joy, as if he had gotten what he wanted. It made Richie’s heart soar. When Eddie finished, he leaned down to kiss him, full of passion and love. “Aw, Eds, I am gay. Gay for you.” He chuckled. Eddie smacked his shoulder playfully.

  


**Author's Note:**

> leave some kind words below! xoxo, @onlyreddie


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